I've gotten back into my coffee habit. Not really addicted to the caffeine as I frequently either mix in Decaf or use 100% decaf. But I am mentally addicted. I get up at insanely early hours, just to have my first cup of coffee. I had purchased a one mug coffee maker so that I didn't waste a whole pot, but now I am drinking probably the equivalent of that whole pot. I think....even though there is nothing wrong with enjoying a cup of coffee...that I am going to cut it out of my diet once again. I went for 5 years without coffee and they were years of freedom. I was free to drink water or tea in the AM, I was free to fast for bloodwork or surgery without dealing with a headache or that miserable "I need a cup of coffee" feeling.
Jesus came to set us free. Why take on shackles to anything?? There is a verse that describes this situation wonderfully. It is this:
All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable.
All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.
All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.
I have a huge fear of addiction. I once was addicted to a sleeping pill called Halcion. The doctor I had at the time insisted that I take it....and I was miserably dependent on it. It was only being completely psychotic and in a psych hospital for a month or two, when they didn't give me that med there and I was too sick to know I was withdrawing from it. That hospital gave me my life back by taking me off of that drug.
I am now dependent on pain meds. Once more, it was a doctor who convinced me of my need for this....Called it medical dependency. That may be so....but "I will not be mastered by anything." It is my desire, once I get hooked up with a new pain management doctor, it is my desire to get off of these meds. I know pain will be excruciating. I will ask God for the strength to deal with that.
I was once addicted to smoking cigarettes. Two packs a day for 13 years. I would have killed my mother for a cigarette. I desperately loved the baby growing in my womb....and yet I could not stop smoking during my pregnancy. It was only when the patch finally came out that I was able to find my way out of that horrible addiction.
In case you don't know: There is a link between SZ and coffee and cigarettes. The chemicals in those two items have an effect on the psyche of the mentally ill. In a sense we self medicate with those two habits and they are at least 75% harder for the SZ person to give up than they are for "normal" people. This is a proven fact. And the fact that I've given up smoking and had given up coffee gave me a sense of pride. I did what is almost impossible to do.
And now, the coffee serpent is back and biting. Well I'm going to bite back.
Why do I not want to be mastered by anything (aside from that Bible verse)? I do not want there to exist anymore shackles in my life. I do not want there to be anything that would give someone leverage to control me or make me miserable. I want to be free. I WILL be free.
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