Thoughts before the Power Goes Out.

For the past three or four days, with every mile closer that Sandy has approached, my anxiety level has risen.   I 've literally had to take Ativan (an anti-anxiety drug) for the past four days (excluding today).  Today, the day of the first few splatters of rain, I woke feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Now I know that I have prayed and asked God to minimize this storm, and to turn it in another direction.  I know that my God is greater than any storm.  I know that I am his child and under his protection.  But still I had an anxious heart.

This morning I rushed around doing the last minute things that needed to be done and sweated a gallon or two of perspiration as hot flash after hot flash had its way.  Then I decided to go to church.  I thought of gathering with my brothers and sisters and focusing our efforts on worshiping our Lord, the God of this storm and the thought was comforting.  So I went.  The service was wonderful.  Worship was awesome.  My heart rate settled down.  My agita disappeared.  I once more felt grounded in the fact that my God is in control and that he loves me and that the people in that church are on assignment by God to take care of those we have contact with who are in need.  The grace, strength, and power of God are ours to administer his love to the people on earth.

So you argue, if God loves us so much, why does he send the stupid hurricane in the first place?

1. People need a shaking up....they need something to force them to recognize that THEY are not God and that THEY do not have the control over their world that they think they do.

2.  People have to experience need to recognize their need.

3.  It gives God's children an opportunity to share God's love with others.

4.  It tests our mettle.  Forces us to acknowledge that while our "stuff" holds importance for us, it all pales besides the health and lives of those we love.

5.  It brings us to the place where it's just God and us and if we are to have any mercy , any protection, it must come from the hand of God alone.  He needs to get us to see that. and  finally

6.  It gives God a means of punishing sin in a minor "wake up call" manner before "the big one drops" and we all ultimately have to face him as our Judge and Master.  These are all incredibly important weighty reasons for God to allow a hurricane ...And we musn't forget the one which says, "Because He is God and He can do whatever pleases Him."  Does that seem heartless and unfair to you?  God made the world.  God made you.  He gets to determine the rules.  And rather than saying a hurricane is heartless, consider the immense love that grants you life and breath and numerous possessions to enjoy for the expanse of your life.  Considering the way most people think and talk about God THAT is really what is unfair and unjust.  That God is kind enough to us to grant us anything at all is amazing.  If he wants to throw in a little hurricane for reasons of his own, "Hey, You're God,   Go right ahead."

When I got home I was feeling much better about the whole thing.  And to solidify that sense of peace I had, I looked up every verse with the word "Protection" in it in the New Living Translation.
Here are a few to chew on:

Ps 31:19
How great is the goodness You have stored up for them who fear You.  You lavish it on those who come to you for protection; blessing them before the watching world!

Ps 51:1
Have mercy on me O God.  have mercy!  I look to you for protection. I will hide between the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.

Ps 18: 2
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me and my place of safety!

Prov. 19:23
Fear of the Lord leads to life bringing security and protection from harm.

May the feathers of God's sheltering wings enfold you and your family.  May he protect and bless all that is yours.  And may HE become the greatest of your possessions.

A Standoff

Well.  I"m borrowing a laptop and mine is now on its way home to me.  There is a storm which when it makes landfall will turn my world upside down  for at LEAST a week (Please God, let there be no permanent effects).  My husband just came home from Walmart...a stressful trip for him and so now I'm hiding  Hiding in my room til it is safe to emerge. I feel ill equipped to deal with all of these stressors.  For the past two days I've taken ativan....an antianxiety drug--simply to keep  myself from clawing my eyes out.

 

I got my drug, Enbrel, for long last and long awaited relief of my Psoriatic Arthritis.    Problem is I took the drug yesterday which means today i have even fewer resources than usual to deal with my life.  Today it's been gray and cloudy....an impossible emmisary from SANDY....No she will not send meek mild gray days to announce her arrival.  I've been drawing up a standoff in my head.  A match up of strength if you will.  On one side, Hurricane Sandy....an awesome force bearing unknown unanticipated punches.  And on the other side.  Me. And behind me, within me and before me: the Spirit of God. I do not know how God wants this faceoff to shape up.  I did buy coolers and a gas can.  We are trying to borrow a generator. Do these demonstrate lack of faith?  No.  The demonstrate lack of presumption. I know it is my job to prepare as much as I can and then to leave the rest to the Father.

I am asking that Sandy roll and sputter and turn herself stage right, right out into the ocean.  Will you join me in my prayers?  Our economy is hurting.  People are hurting.  Unemployment rampant.  And none of us....NONE of us, need to miss work, do costly repairs on our houses, or even -God forbid- lose life.  I'm asking for a weather reversal...I'm asking for the one scenario that has not been projected.  And I know my God can do it.  I pray that he WILL do it.

Things that go "Splat!" in the Night

Last night I woke up with my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth; a sure sign that I'd pulled my BIPAP mask off at some point and had "mouth breathed" (noisily to be sure but thankfully there was no one here to hear it).  I stagger/limped out to the kitchen and poured some of the sweet ginger syrup into a glass and reached into the fridge for the sparkling mineral water to make myself some of my yummy homemade ginger ale....But my half asleep body was uncoordinated and my arm shot out somehow, knocking the glass with a quarter inch of syrup in it to the floor, spinning, and spraying it in all directions over the floor my housecleaner had left squeaky clean on Thursday when I left for the weekend to go and see my daughter.  Here I was in the  house for less than 12 hours and already I'd made a mess.  Nothing to do but to fill up the sink and mop up the mess.

Did I mention that on the "stickiness scale" this syrup is a 12 out of 10??  I mopped the floor over three times during the course of last night and still when I walk on it there are spots that stick my shoes dead to the floor.  I'm getting completely frustrated...never mind the screaming pain I have in my arms and back due to elbow and shoulder joints which are bone on bone.  I mopped it "one last time" about a half hour ago and I am dreading the steps across the newly dried floor because I feel that inevitably I've missed some more spots..

To top it off, my husband just texted and he and my daughter are on their way back to my husband's and my house.  AND my dad is on his way here also to help with some end of summer tasks like taking the AC's out of the windows.  So shortly, havoc will reign.  I just want to hide with my kindle in my room.  Then this afternoon I have a pain management appointment which is a guaranteed long wait.  They can all just forget about dinner.  I'm not going to be in any shape to cook tonight.

All this is the lead-up to my announcement that my computer has been acting up and I will be sending this laptop back to Toshiba for repairs. Which means I will be without a computer for one or two weeks. :(  Not only is that a pain in the patootie, but I had to allow them to take my computer down to factory settings which means I have to reload all of my software and my music and manuscripts, and files etc etc.  Which would have been partially bad had it worked (which it didn't) and now I have to send it out anyway so it just sucks entirely.  What does this mean to you?  It means you will have to wait a while before another scintillating article comes to your monitor. 

So be patient, I will be back as soon as I can.  And maybe by then my kitchen floor will finally be clean.

Smoothies; Plans and Deals

Today I am going to be foolhardy; brave.  My daughter and her love have recently moved into a third floor walkup in a Victorian house in a town two hours from here.  They only have a futon couch/bed and one not-so-comfortable chair in their living room.  That's fact #1.

Fact #2 is that I've been in a horrible flair for the past four days.....and I cannot even imagine what a day without my recliner and hospital bed will be like.  I know that it will be torture.  Even in my comfy room I've only eked out 3 hours of sleep in the past two nights

Fact #3 is that I'm going there to visit from today through Saturday.

I will definitely need my bipap and will be relying on an O2 tank rather than my condenser.  I'm praying that her teething kitten will not decide to chew on its hose because then I will be sunk....she says he chews on everything.

Night before last, I must have pulled my bipap off in my sleep (which I do fairly frequently)....and awoke suddenly feeling awful.  I felt like I had to swim from 3,000 ft to the surface without a tank.  I had an excruciating icepick like pain in my skull.  I felt sluggish and heavy.  I know now that I must have had a severe apnea event and my guess is that I was close to death.  Had God not shook me awake, I would not be here now writing this....It gave me an all new appreciation for my bipap.

So why am I, in the face of all this, going anyway?  Because I love my daughter and really want to see her new house.  Because I'm sick to death of sitting here in this bedroom.  Because I will get to go to malls and stores, my daughter and her guy are willing and patient enough to lug along my wheelchair and push me in it.

Also,....I recently (last night) learned about something I'd seen maybe once on a TV somewhere (not here 'cause I don't watch TV).  It's called the NutriBullet (0r Magic Bullet)....It's a combination of a high speed super-powered food processor and blender.  You put in veggies, fruit and things like nuts and flaxseed and it transforms them into liquid.....You put the veggies in WHOLE  AND UNPEELED. (well, I guess you do have to cut the fruit into large chunks) and it pulverizes it into a smoothie.  There is no yucky leftover pulp like there is in a juicer---no waste and none of that cleanup.  And you get all of the fiber and nutrients which a juicer would leave for your trash can.

  I figured out the best deal.  (wanna hear it?)  Online it costs $119 +shipping.  Bed, Bath, and Beyond has it for $99.  And if you can get a hold of one of their 20%  off coupons it will bring the cost down to a smooth $79.  MUCH more manageable than $130 right???  And here's a secret.  If you can't find a coupon, go online to BB&B's website and sign up for their emails....and they will email you a 20% off coupon just for joining.  GREAT???  yeah, you betcha.

So today, that is my mission. I've already printed out my coupon.
My juicer has been relegated to the basement of late.  Too much mess and cleanup is too hard for me. (my juicer breaks down into no less than 8 pieces, all of which must be washed...just to squeeze one cup of juice.)  And yet I love smoothies and desperately want to drink/eat healthfully.  This will be an inestimable aid to my diet.

So you won't likely be hearing from me til I get back on Saturday.  UNLESS, I am in agony and am pacing the floor all night.  In which case I reserve the right to come on here and complain.

Have a great end of week!

The PIt of Fear in the Core of Creativity

When is writing a book like painting a painting like designing a house?  You begin with an idea, hollowed in a pit of fear.  Fear that I will not do justice to the idea.  Fear that my skills will falter before the immensity of the idea.  Fear that others will not find my idea beautiful--as I do  Fear that I will get bored and walk away before typing "The End:" or painting my signature.

The first sentence I type, the first brushstroke, the first line on a blueprint carry a world of possibilities....I may paint a Mona Lisa; I may write a classic; I may build a cathedral.  With every sentence, I narrow my possibilities.  The strokes become more and more specific; more and more aimed at achieving a desired effect or of clarifying shape or shadow.  The sentences must fit the former ones written; matching them in style and building the plot I have chosen to write.  The building now has a budget; a purpose; and every nail hammered will play a part in attaining that purpose.

The work largely ends itself.  There comes a point in painting when you must stop or you will "overwork" and muddy the freshness of what you have done.  The book after seemingly endless revision is at a point where it has said what it must say---the millions of other stories you might have told must now fall silent or line up to be chosen for the next work....but for now they are quiet.  The building is ready to inhabit...all it lacks is an occupant and for now, the cathedral will have to wait.

You know it is done when you lift your hand to add something...and your hand falls silent to your lap. It is as it must be.   "A finished piece is, in effect, a test of correspondence between imagination and execution."* You have carved your idea and polished it and now it is ready to be shown to the world. Here enters new fear.  Or perhaps none.  Perhaps I am so pleased with my work that I am eager to show it; eager for others to partake in my idea.  The fear that toys with my stomach is now the anxiety preceding my next piece.  Perhaps I cannot do it again??

* some thoughts on reading Art and Fear: Observations on the Perils and Rewards of Making Art.
By David Bales and Ted Orlund

Pursue Hope; Find Recovery

The following quotes are taken from an article found at the link at the end of this article.  Recovery is something I've just really seriously begun to think about and I've thought about it more in terms of my mental illness than I have in light of my PsA.  You may recall that I wrote about recovery in the words of Bill McPhee who wrote:
"...my definition of recovery is that you wouldn’t want to be anyone else other than who you are."
 (taken from http://www.mentalwellnesstoday.com/Community/MentalWellnessBlog/BlogPost/tabid/406/Article/251/share-your-recovery-stories-with-us.aspx)
  

Recovery is about learning that you have a choice:  You can choose to be hopeful rather than hopeless: you can choose to act from faith rather than react from fear; and you can choose to enjoy life rather than merely survive it.

–Donna Newman

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. –J.K. Rowling

"hope can flourish when you believe that there are things you can do to improve your situation."

"However, it is probably safe to say that anyone who has achieved some degree of recovery hasn’t done so without significant change—whether it be changes in lifestyle, diet, self-care, activity level, spiritually, or even emotional state."

"learning to live well with (disease) doesn’t just mean doing less; often it means doing it differently.  It’s an essential process of developing meaning in your experience and recreating a sense of yourself and your life. Living with a chronic illness like FM allows us to clarify our priorities and redefine our values.  Respect for the journey and who we have become brings meaning to our suffering."

After reading all of the above several things occur to me.  One is that the idea of recovery in terms of no longer having the illness must  be pretty much abandoned --although one must always leave room for God to work a miracle should he so desire.  But it must be understood that in order to carve out a life of any kind of quality, it will take some real conscious determined actions and ways of thinking.  It will mean that there must come an understanding and an acceptance of that understanding that things are never again going to be the way they were prior to your illness.  And as long as we expect or seek them to be, we are going to be chronically disappointed and constantly upset.   Next we must understand that to carve out a life that has any kind of quality it is going to take some work  and some focused actions.  We are going to have to change the way we think as well as the way in which we live on a daily basis.  We are going to have to make room for our bodies' tolerance for activity, needs for rest, management of pain, and the side effects of medicines just to name a few of the areas that our illness affects.

Secondly --and this is so crucial--it is important that we retain a firm identity of who we are APART from the illness.  When we become our illness then we are not good for much of anything but a nursing home.  Friends and family will not want to have much to do with us.  This is a great huge challenge for someone who is homebound and alone with their illness 99% of the time, as I am.  It means I need to make conclusive decisions to retain my interest in people and in activities and in hobbies and doing things I love to do. IF I do not struggle to retain some semblance of a personality I will be very very lonely as people will do all they can to avoid me.  This has been the area of greatest challenge for me and it is one that I need to take by the horns and just DO.

Thirdly, we must change our outlook from one of dark pessimism to one of joyful hope.  Sara Frankl was famous for her statement, "Choose Joy"--after her passing people have gotten those words, in Sara's handwriting, tatooed on their arms and ankles. But how true this is!!  Joy will not choose us.  It will not land in our laps like a tired kitty.  No it must be pursued like a hound pursues a fox.  In every situation; in each moment, it must be thought out "How can I get the most joy from this set of circumstances?  What angle of thought will bring me most hope?"  And then to take action and go after those things.

Self pity is a NO NO. We must swear to ourselves from the get go that, while we will be kind and understanding to ourselves we will make NO room for self pity.  This is the shortest path to being alone that I know of. And Bill MacPhee's words play here.  We should seek to choose to be ourselves above all else; not desiring or envying the lives of others; not envying ourselves of our past lives....but must press on to take hold of this life that God has laid out for us.

And herein is hope.  That God who has begun this work in us will bring it to completion.  He will refine us until we shine like a fine diamond, often sparkling most against the dark background of our circumstance.

The article entitled Hope and Acceptance is found at this URL: http://livingwithcfs.com/cfs-fibromyalgia-hope-acceptance/

 The other article on recovery that I wrote is found at http://cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com/2012/04/recovery-in-balance.html

"Quoth the Raven....."

I've been battling with my weight.  I had been exercising daily and today was just hurting too much to talk myself into it.  Is that a defeat?  Or is it a victory to know my limitations and listen to them?  There are both sides of that coin of thought and I encounter them both frequently....There are those who say, "Do not use a cane; you will soon depend on it.:"  "Do not concede to using a wheelchair even if if means giving up going to the mall."  And then there is the line of thought that says, "DO what ever you can whenever you can to maintain independence even if that means relying on a mobility aid.  Which person has won the battle? The one who stays home because he's in too much pain to walk anywhere but consoles himself that he has not succumbed to using help in walking....Or the person who humbly concedes that he needs help and because of that help can go places he would not have been otherwise able to?

It's probably obvious which side I agree with.  However I do not usually use a mobility aid.  Why?
My shoulders hurt too much to use a cane or a standard walker.  I really could use an electric wheelchair however my house is not conducive to such things and neither is my husband willing to put it in the trunk of the car when we go out.  So I teeter along unsteadily on two very very inflamed feet.  I'm thinking of asking for a Rollator walker for my birthday or Christmas.  Those are the snazzy kind with hand brakes wheels, a storage compartment for pocket book, a drink holder and a seat for when you get tired.  I don't know if that will keep me from breaking my nose again when I tumble and smash my face into something.

Face it.
A life with RA or PsA is a life of giving up  You have to give up things one at a time and you have to be more and more creative about what you can hold on to.  Things like driving.  Going to stores by myself, going to Sunday School and then church, painting or drawing using "Analog" materials; and even considering a job where I get paid to do something.  Going places for the weekend...just packing up and going is probably next on this list of "nevermores"  This week I am going to my daughter's....I have to decide whether or not I will bring my bipap and oxygen tank,  The wheelchair is definitely coming.  My daughter is more patient with that than is my husband.  I'm hoping that by using it I will save strength and forestall pain so that I wll be able to do more in the long run.

I have a case manager who has PsA....granted he doesn't have it nearly as badly as I do ...and his mantra is  'if you don't use it; you'll lose it."  That mantra never paid out for me.  I used stuff and STILL lost it.  But that is how he talks himself into going to work every day. I don't know what I would do if I had to go to work every day. Honestly I don't think there is a way in hell that it would be possible.  I just thank the Lord that my husband (thus far) has been willing to provide for me. Most days it's all I can do to shower, wash the dishes, and feed myself and my husband. (and I often don't even do that).  Is it laziness? Nope.  It's inability.  Do I like it?  Not at all.

I've come to the conclusion that you can only do what you can do.  Do it for as long as you can with as much joy as you can muster.  And then the day comes when you must wave it goodbye and add it to the long and growing list of the "nevermores."  Yes. I am sad about those things.  I try not to dwell on them.  I would rather look at the "but I can still.....'s"  I can still feed myself--using special silverware....but nonetheless, can do it. I can still draw on my tablet read on my kindle and type on the computer....although the days of voice activated software are rapidly approaching.  I try to live with open hands.  I accept what God puts into them and I accept what he takes out (or what falls out of them!).  I try to live with Grace....and that precludes temper tantrums. (Although I have been increasingly feeling the need fora good cry to mourn some of those "nevermores").  Along with Job I say daily. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Prayer Finding the Heart's True Home- A Review

Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard J. Foster

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Richard Foster once again does a masterful job of explicating a spiritual discipline, this time Prayer.  He discusses every kind of prayer that one might imagine and describes his experiences of it.  Numerous miraculous healings and other miracles are described.  He offers a challenge; yet makes it an obtainable one.  He tells us what we need to do and then shows us the path. I had to pause numerous times while reading this book: to pray.  I was so motivated to pray that I couldn't continue to read without speaking to the FAther first.



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Sleeplessness and Mental Illness

The following article is a repost of an article I wrote a year or two ago.....Following that post is a graphic which was presented to me.  It demonstrates some fascinating and alarming facts about the danger of sleeplessness...Read on and enjoy!

Like any other disease, mental illness can result in changes or abnormalities in the sleep habits and patterns of sufferers. Obviously with sleep, there is one of only three possibilities for a person:
1- They sleep normally
2- They sleep way too much, with difficulty in waking -- or
3- They do not sleep enough.

Being a person in category #3, I can say, with authority, that there is no hell quite like that of an insomniac. When I was younger and in the throes of a profound depression I was at that time, in the hospital on a "one to one"...where a person from staff needed to be within arm's reach of me at all times. I think I literally went for an entire month or more with less than an hour's sleep per night. And most nights I got none. I am not exaggerating this , nor was I merely unaware of falling asleep; the "guards" were amazed at the fact that my eyes remained open night after night.

This is because I was among the unfortunate category of people who suffered from "agitated depression"...I paced. and I was NOT sleepy although, God knows, that I was achingly, miserably exhausted: (kind of like I feel right now.) Now obviously, "for every action is an equal and opposite reaction." And the fact is that mental illness suffer the other extreme on the scale....And some, like many I know...are sleepless all night...and then will sleep all day.

The sleep difficulties of the mentally ill are often worsened or changed by the side effects of their medications. The vast majority of the category of drugs called, "anti-psychotics", cause extreme somnolence---and it is very very common for a person with schizophrenia to need to sleep at least 12 hours each night...and often require at least one nap during the day. They sap energy and dull responses. In general, just slow everything down, including metabolism, which is why they often cause rapid weight gain. It is for this reason, perhaps primarily, that there is such a problem with with people with schizophrenia remaining compliant with their medication regime....This accompanied by the denial which is typical of the illness, causes almost everyone who takes the meds , to at some point, decide to go off of them at least once and usually frequently. This in addition to the awful way some of them make you feel--as though your body has gone numb and your head is stuffed full of cement--cause great numbers of people to suffer multiple relapses throughout their illness.

However, the good news is that, among the "third generation" of psychotropics (the newest psych meds available), this feeling of numb paralysis is greatly lessened. And they are often very well tolerated. I even take an older med, from the second generation of meds, called Loxipine, and it causes little or no "slowdown" but oddly, it is very rarely that you will hear of someone who takes this med. Anyway, I'm digressing here.

Now this brings me to the problem of hyper-awareness, or constant alertness, which a few of the latest psych drugs can cause. Actually, because i was suffering so greatly from negative symptoms (do a search on that in the side bar of my blog, for an explanation ), I designed my current mix of drugs (which list, I'd presented to my psychiatrist with the desperate plea to try and fortunately, she agreed.) to all cause either this alertness or to be neutral in effect, like Loxipine.

I did this so that it would be possible for me to lose some of the 90 pounds I'd packed on in a year of the other drugs and also so that I would have the energy and vigor to overcome the paralyzing effect of profound lethargy that my disease was causing me, which was compounded by the side effects of the other drugs. I did lose 60 pounds (not without effort on my part, I assure you), and now I am very alert at night. I will immediately fall asleep...and then about two hours later will be awakened by pain (which is my problem from my other disabilities)....and once awake will be completely unable to return to sleep. Occasionally I will doze for a few minutes, but largely, I 'm awake and active on my laptop or painting with my graphics tablet.

I didn't mind this for the first, say month, but now, after more than a year of negligible sleep, I'm about ready to plead for another med change. I am achingly, profoundly exhausted. I do not suffer the type of hell that I suffered as a depressed person with insomnia....I do not lie in bed motionless trying to sleep (I couldn't if I wanted to...when I hurt, I have to MOVE and frequently change my position)....I just get up and get busy. If I get sleepy again, I will take a short nap, either just prior to daybreak, or/and during the day (and guaranteed: during church! to my intense embarrassment). Once I took such a "nap" while I was driving....and drove into a side barrier on the highway....that was the end of my driving career.

Sleep is a major part of our health and experience. After all , we spend anywhere from a third to half of our lives asleep. And difficulty with it can cause us serious health problems, never mind lapses in energy levels and our own sense of comfort....including have an effect on our mental health all by it self.

...Just one more thing a person who suffers from these diseases must endure on a daily basis....

Facts about Sleeplessness

Source: http://www.termlifeinsurance.org

Hungry-by Allen Zadoff, a review

Hungry: Lessons Learned on the Journey from Fat to Thin by Allen Zadoff

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A great peek into the secrets of a food addict; the classic overeater.  Allen shows us the shameful secrets that he spent half a life time hiding as he struggled to overcome a life lived solely for the purpose of eating....as much as possible, as often as possible.  As his health was being destroyed; as his social life was non existent; as his emotional life was stunted; as his professional life too was harmed....all by the toxic effects of a food addiction; Allen searched for the key: the magic piece of knowledge that would free him from the death grip of his own insatiable hunger.  He found the answer that freed him in the understanding that he was a food junkie and that food did harmful things to his body, mind and emotions and that the only way to freedom was  by avoiding certain foods altogether.  Zadoff does not attempt to solve the possible food issues of his readers.  His only goal is to shed insight...to maybe turn the light on for people who treat food like a drug; for whom food IS a drug.  A quick read but enlightening and educational as well as enjoyable.



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A Three Dog Life- Review

A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Three Dog Life is a book written by a 63 year old Abigail Thomas who'd only begun to write in her forties.  Her husband of 12 years was struck by a car and suffered severe brain damage...which made him prone to say things that were obscure and wildly poetic and made him too sick to live at home....Abby learns to go on living her life with her three dogs and weekly visits with her husband.....It is a book of details surrounding a massively disturbing life event....The details are the pavement the characters walk to get through the trauma of the past and the everydayness of the present.  Abby deals with her own aging body, her memories of her early marriage and childhood as she moves from Manhattan to upstate NY to be nearer her husbands rehab residence and relearns her independence. The book is filled with profundities wrapped in creatively worded clothing that just beg to be underlined and highlighted.  A great read.  It did not strain my emotions....was just a comfortable read that titillated my imagination and my mind.



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