God's Signature

The past few days have been odd.
The other day a package arrived.  I barely glanced at it. Around here, the packages which are delivered are almost guaranteed to be for my husband; besides, he'd told me to look for one he was expecting this day...so I went so far as to assume this was the one, and told him it had been delivered.  After dinner, he tore it open and stopped in confusion as he saw the contents and flung it aside. "This is not mine," he said, "it's yours."

I finished drying the dishes and then my hands and went to look at the package.  It was not something commercially mailed and I did not recognize the name on the return address.  Curiously I read the card  enclosed.  It was a shawl.  A prayer shawl:

 One into which prayers had been knitted as the person who made it interceded for the person who would eventually wear it.  I then read the handwritten note: It was from the wife of the reporter who'd printed a story for Assist News Service (ANS) in which a letter from myself had been quoted as I'd sent  a note in response to their request for people to tell them the ways in which we, the readers, used their Christian /Current events News Service.  She'd been moved by the portion of my story that I'd described in my letter.  I had not mentioned that I have schizophrenia...merely that I'm disabled by the arthritis and how I intercede for people I hear about on their news service who seem to need my prayers.  It was/is  a lovely gift and the unexpectedness and thoughtfulness of it brought tears to my eyes.


She directed to a blog post which would tell me her story she said.  I read it...and in it was the story also of her husband, the reporter.  I was astonished to read that he too, is afflicted with SZ and bipolar disorder as well.  The full circle of unlikely consequences just reeked with the fragrance of God's omniscient purposes.  I then knew I had to write a letter back to the reporter and "confess" to him, my diagnosis as well.  Well, to make a long story a little shorter, I am now going to be featured in a story put out by Assist News!!  Personally, my reaction to this is embarrassment and a feeling of reticence...however, because God has just been doing this kind of thing all over my life, scrawling his great big signature on it, as he makes way for his plans for me.  This ministry God has given me which ties prayer/intercession with the purposes of encouraging both sufferers and family of people with SZ and espcially SZA (schizoaffective disorder) and of promoting public education and knocking down the walls of prejudice and misinformation which abound in regard to schizophrenia--all of this God is working for  the good of his purpose for me which he is gradually revealing bit by bit....

God is on the side of the downtrodden and injustice of any kind irks him to no end...this is clear throughout Scripture.  And there are few groups, especially in cultured, educated and affluent societies like America as misunderstood and as targeted by circumstance and prejudice as are the people who have schizophrenia.  And I believe that his time is now ripe for things to change in this regard...especially within the church.  I have a friend, (one of the many friends I have whom I've never met or spoken to personally), who works on behalf of tackling similar ignorance and injustice for the sufferers of RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) --and because I suffer from a disease even more mysterious and shrouded in ignorance (psoriatic arthritis) which is related to RA, I follow her blog and Facebook page and receive support from the people in that community as well, because frankly nothing at all similar exists for my disease.  This woman too, is a believer and feels led by God to be a voice for those with RA (her husband is a minister, so I guess this is HER ministry)...And while nothing I have done nor can hope to do has or will be as powerfully effective as her efforts, God has his own plans for me ...what they are , I cannot guess --because daily he keeps me in surprise as he unravels a new page in the book of my life he is writing.

And maybe small coincidences and opportunities such as this are the extent of it...maybe they are not the prelude to bigger and even better things.  And that's okay too.  In fact, honestly, that is the option I'm most comfortable with.  Truthfully, if I can "minister" to a couple of people and never leave my bedroom, I would be more than happy. :)

A Quandary

(Folks, I apologize for the layout problems in this post...Blogger evidently had a problem...Also please disregard the links below..I'm not sure what has happened here...perhaps the account was hacked.  Please try to ignore this mess...it was uncorrectable.)

My shoulder replacement surgery wold have been two weeks from yesterday.  However, after much thought and  many second thoughts--and after being warned by several of my doctors as to the extreme riskiness of this to my precarious health, yesterday afternoon I placed a call to my orthopedic surgeon and canceled -  not only this surgery, but all five surgeries which were pending.

Why? Well, I confess the level of pain that I'm already in in these deteriorated joints and the fact that that pain will surely increase -gives me pause. (OK, it's downright scary) ...However the endless stream of surgery, the post op pain, the post op mental confusion and possibility of permanent psychosis/confusion was pretty scary as well.  There is also the complication and difficulty of finding someone to come and help me manage during post op recovery.  My daughter was willing to do this, butt she is just now settling into her own home and beginning to get settled there as well--it could not have been easy for her to here for several weeks at a time.
 
But all this could have been--and would have been tackled--had it been truly beneficial and made a long term difference in my outcome.  But the truth is, it was a cat chasing its own tail.  For one thing: each of these surgeries woul                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           d have had to be repeated every 10-15 years as the artificial joints wore out.  But even that could have been done had the outcome been different.   But what would have been the outcome?  My spine is deteriorating at an alarming rate.  The pain in my spine is easily 5 times greater than it is in the other joints.  It is this pain which makes me want to find a bridge and jump off; and this pain which keeps me up at night; and it is this pain which makes it impossible for me to function normally.  And this pain cannot be corrected by surgery--And it cannot be  eliminated by medicine or by any other means short of an amazing miracle by God.  And it is this pain which is ultimately the most dangerous and which threatens to end my life.

So tell me folks, what would YOU do?

It is true that once these joints get impossibly destroyed, their pain will be intense.  And my resulting disability will be severe...and possibly, I will not be able to endure it and will go crying to the surgeon for him to repair the damage.  Hopefully at that point, the damage will still be correctable and my health will still permit it.  But for now, I have enough to manage with my back issues right now--I don't need the problems caused by undergoing major surgery...especially when there is nothing to be ultimately gained.

(Folks, I apologize for the layout problems in this post...Blogger evidently had a problem...Also please disregard the links below..I'm not sure what has happened here...perhaps the account was hacked.  Please try to ignore this mess...it was uncorrectable.)

The Crazy Card

I would say that the worst thing about being a schizophrenic in a world of "normals" is what I call "The Crazy Card."  And I would dare say that in a sense this is probably shared by anyone who has brain damage or memory loss.  The Crazy Card is this:  you are in a "dispute" or even a difference of opinion...and you bring up something that happened in the past...even the recent past,... to validate your point...or perhaps it is this event  that began the argument or dispute in the first place; you present your "take:" on what occurred.  And you are told "that never happened."  And  you KNOW it did.  Absolutely.  You were not psychotic when it occurred...the person is either very mistaken or out and out lying to validate their argument....and when you begin to insist on the fact that it indeed happened in such and such a manner...you get told, "How would you know? You are the one with sz." or memory loss or whatever.  And immediately no matter what you say...or how certain you are...or how RIGHT you are...the argument is over --and guess what? YOU  LOSE.  They have played "the Crazy Card"...declared that everything you recall , every perspective you have is no longer valid because YOU ARE CRAZY.

I've had the crazy card used against me time and time again.  Sometimes people use it to cover up their own wrong doing.  Other times because they are simply mistaken and don't want to admit it.  I could cite example after example where this has occurred.  Or it can also happen in the reverse...where they accuse you of something; something you KNOW that no matter how "crazy" you were...you would NEVER do...Simply because it opposes all of your morays and morals.   And no matter how crazy...you just would not do this thing.  And besides...you recall the incident in question with crystal clarity and IT JUST AIN'T SO.  And watch out...here it comes, "HOW WOULD YOU KNOW...you wouldn't  remember it anyway." or "how would you know, YOU ARE CRAZY" (even if it is said in more politically correct words...the bottom line is the same and it is this: Argument is over..you lose.  Because nothing you say ..now or ever...will hold any water or validity...because --you got it-- you are crazy.,

Sometimes even people I barely know will play the crazy card.  The card that trumps any in your hand...even if you have four aces...you lose. Because they hold that one despicable, low-blow crazy card.
It is for this reason that I am terrified of the day when I may ever have to go to court...in a divorce court or any other...Because I may as well not even take the stand ...
Because..yep.
I'm crazy.


addendum:
Sometimes having to just sit with one of these situations in complete helplessness, in order not to allow the helplessness and injustice of the occurrence  to eat me alive, I remind myself of these things:
Christ is my peace.  He is also the Holder of Truth and finally , He is my Defender.  I can put these times into his hands knowing that however he decides to handle it is for my best.  In the past....sometimes I've lost arguments...for months at a time...but then truth has come out..and I've been vindicated.  I can only pray that this will happen in every instance (hopefully in sooner than months :)  )
What reminded me of this truth tonight when I so badly needed it?

This:

Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou art

(words are from the song: Be Thou My Vision)
The Lord Jesus is my Treasure and my inheritance..and people's accusations cannot take that away from me.  I don't need their "empty praise." or their validation...Because my God and I know the truth....And nothing but nothing can take that or Him away from me.  So don't argue; don't try to defend...just allow him to take care of it in his time.

What is my Life?

A vapor; a mist....to be sure....one as obstinate as the LA smog.  I am the Energizer bunny (minus the energy)...I keep going and going --or maybe I am a Timex watch : I take a licking and keep on ticking.  At any rate, despite my hurry to get to Heaven...God seems quite determined to keep me here.    So many health "scares" and illnesses which have threatened my existence....but failed to topple me...And I'm left wondering and asking, "Why Lord?"  not "why do you bring these problems?" But "why do  You continually rescue me from them??

The latest threat--this swelling which has inexplicably "Good Year Blimped" me, has begun to subside, leaving as mysteriously as it came...having been relatively untouched by diuretics...but leaving in it's own good time.  My latest theory is that I had an extreme allergic reaction to a bite (which I've found on my left foot--looking very very similar to two wasp stings I'd had this year)...My symptoms are very similar to those that I'd had in the prior two bites only way more extreme...the swelling being the worst in my legs but not being limited to them.

I awake today...my daughter not being able to come today and visit and our trip to NY with her being cancelled...and I am sad.  And feeling useless and pointless.  What is my life now?  It is really not much of anything...but it is a "nothing" that God has consistently guarded and protected.  Why?  I certainly must have a bigger purpose than to keep my cat company ....

I am eager to go to heaven (as some of you may have gathered)...but I have to wonder what it is that I have not done or been doing that God is waiting for me to do before releasing me to eternity?  Is it merely a question of faithfully enduring???  That seems hardly right.  Seems like God should have more active purposes than that. But maybe (and this is entirely possible) I am not understanding the purposes of God much.

Or maybe he really does want me to finish this book I"d begun,.. Or maybe he is waiting for me to live the life that I am writing ?  How might I do that?....in this body which is truly self-destructing?  I do not drive anymore....that in itself (in this land of forests and mountains where I live) is a true limitation.   Pain is another huge factor.

Maybe instead of looking at my limitations, I need to look at my abilities. (duh)  Relationship, encouragement, friendship...communicating (sometimes)...creativity (okay...that one does seem to be hibernating)....but maybe it should be fostered and welcomed again...encouraged rather than run from.  I've been told recently that the world "needs my words" and that that is why God has kept me here.  My problem of late, seems to be that I've had nothing to say but complaints and despair.(and who really needs that?)

What is any of our lives?  Just because I do not awake with an alarm clock and race out the door to a job...is my life inherently any less?  what really  is productivity?  what are YOU producing?  what a am I producing?  It is surely more important than a paycheck!  I think I (and maybe you)  need to look at our lives honestly, with clarity--and say "what am I doing here?"  and "What does God want me to be doing here?"  If life is more than the rat race...more than a job, then that means that the life of someone who is disabled or ill...is of no less import than is the life of a healthy person.  It's true that I'm a bit more limited in service than are some of my friends...but maybe that just means I have to look harder for my purpose...and be more creative in assuming it.  Maybe I just need to honestly ask God "what do you want me to do here?" and then put on my "listening ears" for his answer.

Phil Keaggy - Carry On

these words are pretty self explanatory. :)

"Brief" Update

I've gotten my blood test results...and other than being anemic, most everything else fell into the "normal" range...This is good - but odd.  Why is it then that I'm completely stuffed full of fluid and nothing I do has released that fluid?  To me, this is very odd...nonetheless, the normal results can only be a good thing I would imagine.  I received a lovely email from a friend today who asserts that God is keeping me here because "we need your words."  For those of you who do not know it, I have another "younger" blog at www.adonaischild.blogspot.com - there I've published some of my poetry and some artwork...Overall it is less waterlogged with words than is this blog. But if you've found some kind of appreciation or delight for my words, you might look there for a few more.

I wrote a letter recently to Assist News- an email news publication run by Dan Wooding and others which I've been receiving since the Writers' Conference a few months ago.  I wrote the letter in response to their request for letters from readers describing how they use the email publication.  I was quite embarrassed to receive the article which resulted from this letter of mine and those of others in response to that plea put out by Assist News....and to find that my letter was quoted in its entirety and alongside the article was the picture of me that I'd enclosed (also as per their request)...As usual I probably wrote more than I should have...not realizing that they would use the whole thing.

If you are visiting this blog as a result of that article, "welcome"--make yourself at home.  I would recommend the many articles in the blog archive
I've been undergoing a severe struggle physically and not knowing what the future would hold for me. 
  I'm not sure why God has chosen this particular path for me but am grateful that somehow he plans to use my words to encourage those who suffer and to cause some of you readers who obviously have the gift of encouragement to use that gift in my direction or in the direction of someone in your own life who too, suffers at the hands of mental or physical illness.  God has his reasons and sometimes they are past our finding out--here on this earth anyway.

So blessings to you tonight, my friends and those who are visiting.  May you find here somehow, words that encourage you wherever you find yourself in your life tonight or tomorrow.

The "I Shoulds" : My Privately Avoided Issues

At any given moment, I like most people have a list of "I should's" hanging over my head like over-ripe fruit just ready to plunk down on me at any moment like the ignored obligation that they are.  Some of the things on my list are pretty stinking important ...and have been ignored for way too long now.  Such as: my laptop...which is completely DEAD and which is under warranty.  I need to call the nice Dell-folk in India and deal with the cultural and linguistic anomalies which that inherently entails if I am ever to have a working computer again.  My shoulder replacement looms over my head...I will be NEEDING that laptop; even more desperately than I do now and if I don't get on the ball, it will be another year of Sunday's before that happens.

The other thing I NEED to take care of is my Zune mp3 player, which has been dead for a number of months now.  If anyone who knows me can imagine...I"ve gone without my brain-numbing tunz for that long... and lived to tell about it!  That, my friend, is a miracle right there.  But enough is enough.  Especially without my laptop with which to listen to my collection; I am suffering the sounds of silence...which for me are NEVER silent...but filled with my Voices and others intercranial aberrations, the likes of which I should be more than happy to drown out once again.--even at the peril of my hearing.  And I do believe that all my Zune is lacking is a battery. (the current one having been fried by it's recent baptism in the toilet waters of my bathroom :). So hopefully, all this should entail is a visit to Best Buy to see if I'm fortunate enough to have found someone able to service this unit...and a bit of the green stuff with which to grease their palms...and I should be once more crankin' those blissful, emotion - altering bits of computer chip content which can lull my troubled mind once more into submission...or at least distract it from more dangerous lines of pursuit.

And the other thing I need to attend to is my wheelchair.  My daughter and her boyfriend took me to a large mall about an hour and a half away from my mountain home last Thursday for a day of respite from boredom.  We were happily tooling along through said mall when suddenly bits of metal began to fly from my chair  like  mice abandoning a sinking craft.  We picked them each up and pocketed them, being unsure of where they really were coming from , until my front wheel suddenly divorced itself from my chariot...and left me leaning precariously and rather ridiculously, I do say; immobilized and feeling foolish...until my boyfriend-in-law (!), reattached the nut temporarily to the wheel and once again we were rolling.  Needless to say, this needs the attention of the company from whom I'm 'renting-to-buy' this maimed craft.  I really do hope they can come up with a chair less than25 years old with which to present me, as I'm sure they are charging my hapless (another !!) insurance company tons of good money for my privilege of owning such a piece of 'high -tech equipment'.

I have, perhaps, an inordinate distaste for dealing with customer service/technical support/ repair folk types than do most.  Maybe this is just a blip in my personality...or maybe it is a consequence of my illness: a huge reticence in speaking with strangers in general.  I do not even much like speaking with people I know, so to have to speak with a stranger-type and to try to get the words out in the right order in some semblance of sense, scares me to death.  And perhaps because my "skill" at doing so (or lack thereof ) has been dutifully noted and pointed out by my loving spouse...I am even more hesitant to make a fool out of myself.  My thoughts tend to go south and north at the same time with my mouth being the unfortunate point of convergence of the two.  So this is the most likely reason I can come up with for my forestalling such items that would ostensibly benefit me should I attend to them.

...Just a quickie glimpse into  the neglected waters of "Cynthia's Should-dom"...Do you have your own list of privately avoided duties such as mine?  Please comment and tell me that I'm not the only one!

This Blog is Approaching 10,000 visitors!

I just want to say "Thank You," to all who have visited here.  To my long-time readers and to those who just stop by: Thank You.  I pray that some of you may have found  hope here...for yourself, or for your loved ones who suffer with mental illness.  And more than that, I pray that some of  you may have found the smile of God here for you. Please do leave comments when you stop by...they make my day :)

May God's Peace surround you
as you visit and as you go from here.

The Dance of Heaven

I love music.

I think that music must be the language of heaven.

Don't we all understand it?

Tonight my pain has been put aside...pushed into the background by my joy.
Worship obscures my swollen hands and feet...
My screaming spine is not silenced, but is drowned out by the glimpses of Majesty that I see.
Some of you will say, "She's manic.  She's slipped beyond the reach of reality."
And it's true that my reality may be one that you cannot relate to...
But there are those who read, who know;  .
Who have felt their souls lift beyond their circumstances, to join the dance of Heaven.

This has been a wonderful night. 

Alone with my God,

Invited to share in the Dance of Angels and Saints.

A Hard Day's Night

Early this morning (well, earlier this morning...seeing as it's 4:00 AM now.  And no. I never sleep.) Anyway, earlier this morning, I visited a post written by my friend, Nan, on her blog  Morning Glory  (do me a favor, don't click the links until you have read this post through, then go back and enjoy them).  As I read her post, I saw really, at first only one thing: the words, "Come to me, O weary one, and I will give you rest."  That line, based on a verse I'd known all my life, brought me to tears. I crumbled.

You see, I hadn't realized exactly, until that moment, how very tired I really am.  Not only physically tired--after a sleepless week on prednisone which causes one to rev high and fast, making sleep impossible--but also emotionally spent.  It's been several days of personal catastrophe, financially speaking.  And yet, God had providentially supplied the money for most of the things--the urgent things anyway--before they even occurred.  So we wouldn't worry too much.  Nonetheless so many things went wrong; so many things quit working or broke that I found myself holding my breath waiting for the whole wardrobe to drop...never mind the other shoe.

And those aren't the only ways I'm tired.  Spiritually I'm spent.  And if you  know anything about my God; my God of endless supply and abundant strength, you will know that there's something wrong with this picture.  And there is.  What is wrong is that I've been trying too hard to fix myself.  To go it alone.  Just. To. Get. By. just to breathe my next breath (and believe me, this week, that in itself, physically, has been a great challenge); to take the next step; to face the next day.  I've been on an emotional rollercoaster - zooming between determination and efforts to "psych" myself into the needed motivation to control my out of control weight gain, and complete despair and the sense that the struggle is pointless and futile.

And do you know where this has led me?  This self-effort?  To going to the fridge in the middle of the night...and reaching into the freezer for a ciabata roll, and thinking, "I'm really not hungry...but I need this roll-- then thinking, "It's really not honoring to God to eat this roll, after all I just polished off a piece of rich chocolate cake my husband brought home from work for me...In fact, this is downright greed."  And my next thought?
I don't care.  I need this roll!  I want it.  I have to have it.

Did you see that?  Do you know what it's called?  Rebellion.  Putting myself  and my physical desires above God.  Do you know what God calls that?  idolatry: the worship of something other than God. (see: Colossions 3:5)  I quickly squelched the quick rise of guilt that came with that thought...took the roll from the microwave. ---And ate it.

The apple in the garden.

A choice for other than God.

A short time later I sat in front of the PC (since my laptop was among the fatalities of the day) and clicked on Nan's log.  I cried over the words I quoted above...then I clicked on the other songs.  And the last song contained a phrase that knocked me right between the eyes:

"In the moment of my weakness, you give me GRACE to do your will.....There is no one else (no thing, I would add.)  for me--none but Jesus."  (by Hillsong: None but You, Jesus)

What was I lacking in that moment of weakness, as I stood in my nightgown in front of the microwave?  God's Grace. Grace is unearned favor or an unearned gift to us from God.  In other words, if I hadn't tried to meet that temptation out of my own dwindling supply of strength, I would have had the ability to meet it head-on...And walk away form the kitchen...empty handed and triumphant.  And this same principle has been true in every other aspect of my life.

As a result, I'm burned out.  washed out.  weakened in every way.

I clicked on a blogpost I'd written on my other blog: Flying Faith, Muddy Trenches.  and I re-read it...Then I scrolled down to the one beneath it. Memory Monday.  A post giving a memory verse for the week...and I re-read the verse: 

Hebrews 10:35-36

New Living Translation (NLT)     

 ³⁵ So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! ³⁶ Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

And my heart echoed a resounding "YES!"  Trust in HIM, not in yourself or your own reserves of strength...Patiently endure...and you will continually  do God's will.  THEN you will receive his many promises.

Are People with Schizophrenia to be Feared?

Stigma is a huge issue to someone with SZ...We are surrounded by misinformation and a deluded public. (Yes, it's the public, in this case, who is suffering from delusion!)  I think I have addressed many of these misconceptions previously but I will outline them here and then focus on one in particular.

Firstly, there is the idea that SZ is the same as Multiple Personality Disorder.  Two words: It's not.  They are completely  unrelated illnesses.  The media has fostered this mistaken idea...as they have fueled many of the others.

Second, having SZ is a dramatic, exciting thing.  Granted, in the rough moments of psychosis, things can get dramatic.  But for the majority of people with SZ it is a quiet, uneventful struggle.  We sit alone in our homes or bedrooms, staring at a TV set, listening to music,...or just staring at the walls, listening to our own thoughts.  Social anxiety (and paranoia) make it difficult for us to interact in a public venue...but Stigma too often drives us to the safety of our homes.  We do not go many places, talk to many people., go on vacations...not easily anyway.  Even for a high functioning person such as myself, a social situation can leave  me in the parking lot pacing and counting the minutes til it's over.  I am fortunate to have a church family where I can interact with a level that is usually tolerable to me...but lately, it has been less easy.

Third there is the wrong idea that SZ can be cured by therapy or getting our act together. WRONG.  It is a biological degenerative disease of the brain.  Differences exist physically and observably in the brains of patients with SZ.

Fourth, there is the idea that people with SZ are violent, unpredictable and to be feared.  While, yes that can be true during unmedicated periods or times of extreme stress...a person with SZ can act in ways that can appear to be violent...and I suppose that in rare cases, they are violent...but usually these times are spawned by fear.  A paranoid person, in times of psychosis, really thinks that something extremely dangerous is or is about to happen to them.  And they may react in ways that are unusual in an effort (as they perceive it) to protect themselves.

I can say with certainty that every time I've been launched into violence, it is due to a thwarted effort to escape the situation which is frightening me. In my most recent trip to the ER which led to my being hospitalized...I was left in a paper gown standing in the corner of an empty room alone for well over an hour, being observed through a one way window.  This made  me extremely anxious and I decided to simply walk out into the hall to find out why I was there...Instantly I was surrounded by uniformed security guards.  This probably would have intimidated anyone...but in my terrified state-- already believing that my life was in danger--I reacted with a panicked attempt to escape...Naturally they grabbed me at which point I completely lost control of myself and fought with everything in me.  And this is a common scenario.

People with SZ will act in very strange ways sometimes...prompted by attempts to make themselves feel safe usually.  These actions may be misunderstood by normal people because they are not thinking with or understanding the warped logic that goes on in the mind of someone with SZ.  For  example,  I constantly struggle with the need to wear sunglasses while in public...because of my fear of my soul being stolen through my eyes.  It's sometimes all I can do not to wear them into a church service.  And when I arrived at the hospital on a recent trip, they demanded that I hand over my sunglasses...  I was already feeling terrified and threatened... Naturally I resisted this demand--with a lot of energy.

Here is a quote from the website of SZ Magazine quoting or rather discussing something said by Torrey in his well known book , "Surviving Schizophrenia":

People with schizophrenia often perceive their caregivers as enemies because they enforce difficult rules. Under a new Ontario law, designated decision-makers―typically parents―can obtain the legal authority to hospitalize their children or force them to take medication that often carries unpleasant side effects such as weight gain. *

*SZ Magazine's website is :  

 http://www.szmagazine.com/e107_plugins/content/content.php?content.137

I can strongly attest to the truth of this statement.  My husband has made the demand that I must take my medication if I am to remain living in our home...with him as my spouse.  He has also called for the authorities to help him get me to a hospital when I've been out of control and vociferously refusing to go.  I personally HATE my medication.  I know that it is toxic and it has damaged my intelligence and memory...It has made me overweight and it costs my money which I could honestly put to more interesting use elsewhere.    And this opinion is shared by many many people with SZ.  Also we can get to a point where we are feeling better, believe we are then cured and can go it alone without pharmaceutical aid.  And so we go off of it.  And sometimes a year or more can pass where we feel SO much better...think more quickly and feel less slowed down...but almost always..there will come the crash.  My last crash was major...and lasted for close to three years before I was once more "stabilized' and could function.  And this crash left its damage on me cognitively and otherwise...My symptoms now are much worse than they were prior to it.

Most people with SZ are mild mannered, shy, and retiring...NOT the type to be aggressive or violent.  Although this can happen...especially when unmedicated or in the midst of a psychotic episode.  The truth is that my  friends who also suffer with SZ are some of the nicest people I know and while many of us have had our "times" in our past where things got out of hand,  a person who is undergoing treatment and cooperating with it, generally is a person to get to know and invest some time in...because they have  a lot to offer.