Sunday, September 14, 2014

Next Stage: PRINTING

I finally proofread the galleys and made some corrections. Now the next step is for Xulon Press to print that bad boy, so that readers like you can get your hands on my no-holds-barred story of the rocky road of my life ---the years of mental illness, multiple hospital stays in psychiatric wards, the break down of my physical health years of rejecting God and where that led me....and the years back to my shepherd's shoulders as he carried this wayfaring lamb back to the pastures where he can keep me safe from predators and that roaring lion that seeks to kill and destroy the lambs of God.

I know that portions of this book are hard to get through.  I know for example that my dad has been unable to read it because of the incredible pain to our family that those years brought to us.  Another friend who has a bipolar son attempted to read the book and had to put it was too close to home.  It also holds some graphic scenes involving self injury so if you find that disturbing you may have to just skip a page or two. None of the scene are very long.  But as the editors who reviewed the book at the printers say:

Manuscript’s Strengths

  • Throughout the manuscript, the author uses excellent imagery. There are consistent, original descriptions used to “paint the picture” for the reader. This is unfortunately what a lot of authors do not know how to do, so it is truly a huge strength for the book as a whole.
  • Structurally, the book is well organized. There are appropriate chapter designations, paragraphs, and the book flows in a chronological order.
  • Though some parts of this book may be difficult for some readers to endure, it all is part of the whole, which is a powerful story that shows the sovereignty of God, even through the darkest times. 

That was such a critical point that I wanted to bring out in this book....that in our very worst nightmares; in times of absolute distress, God is HERE with us. He uses a variety of means: a police guard, a dog, a house keeper in a hospital.....He is not at a loss in any way for ways to cut through the ice of our exteriors and to thaw our frozen hearts with his love. 

The cost of the book will be $14.99 plus shipping.  Stay tuned and I will give you more details on how to get your copy once it is closer to  completion.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


In the past weeks I have been working hard on completing the book that has taken me four years to write.   Soon the galleys will be ready for proofing and then the book will go to press.  It is exciting but at the same time it is nerve wracking.  I am planning on setting up a web page where you may purchase the book directly from me.  It will also be available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble as both a paperback and an eBook.  Keep checking here and I will keep you updated on the printing process and will let you know when and where you can purchase the book.  I will also be holding some giveaways here so stick close and I will keep you posted.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Out of a Bind

This morning I took a shower….and I brought a zip up the front robe to put on as I dried up.  Well I got the robe on but somehow on my wet body things got twisted and the robe was wrapped tightly around my neck and shoulders and I could NOT escape …it was a veritable straitjacket.  My husband was practicing his drums and I knew if I interrupted him, he would “not be happy.” (quotes indicative of a “mild” understatement).  So I prayed.  

“Lord please show me how to get out of this….It really hurts and I’m trapped”

And it was the strangest thing.  I often have hallucinations which I call “videos” …they are brief scenes and usually make no sense whatsoever.  But God told me “Watch” and there before my eyes was a video of me picking the robe up by its lower hem and pulling that up over my head and from there I would have “wiggle room” enough to pull the robe off.  It was something that never occurred to me to try….I did try it and it worked magically.

God is interested In your simplest  and most complicated binds….Ask him, he’s waiting to show you the way out.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Words and Pictures

Today I sit, unsure of what to write.  I looked at my blog, checked stats.  I average a hundred viewers a day. ...and I'm sitting on the brink of 80,000 visitors.  God has certainly blessed me.  He has given me items of thought, rants, hallelujahs, and I'm sure there were many times when  you, my readers wanted to tell me to keep my thoughts to myself...which I kind of have done, seeing as YOU come HERE and read what I have to say.  And that floors me.  It really does.  I mean I have so little going on in my life.  Sitting in my recliner, reading, writing, getting out of the house once or twice a week.  It's like painting a series of paintings with a limited palette.  When you .  look through my paintings, especially my earlier ones you would see a lot of Prussian blue and Thalo greenNo matter what I wanted to paint and how much I desired to be bright and full of light....I ended up with those two colors dominating my canvas.

Then I crossed a LONG period of years where I did not paint.  My  spirit was healing in those years and when again I touched brush to canvas, there was cadmium yellow, violet, burnt umber, and chromium green.  These were to me, colors of joy.  Joy in the rediscovery of my art.  Joy that the years of blackness of soul were passed.

Now I paint with words.  I have a painting program which I need to load into my computer and a tablet by which I can paint....and sometimes I get the urge to do that.  Last night I watched the movie, 'Words and Pictures' about an artist who had to turn teacher because of her increasing disability from RA.  It made me feel like painting.  And yet it also made me feel like writing.  I am blessed that God has granted me both gifts.  Right now however I have a book that needs to be worked on and brought to print...

I confess to you, now that it is all written, I am frightened to make it final.  Frightened that I've made a mistake.  Frightened that someone in my past life might find themselves in the chapters and not like how I've described them....even though I've changed names to protect people, those who read my book with MY name as author, they will know who they are.

My husband has told me I cannot write a book and have it mean anything true because I do not remember my past 6 years.  But that is not really true.  I've WORKED HARD at regaining memory.  And it is true that there are things I do not remember.  There are some people who I know I had hurt during that time and I do not recall what I did to hurt them, which makes it extremely hard to apologize and make right.  So these things....those "blanks" in my memories ---I leave them blank.  I do not discuss what I do not remember.  And the  people who were friends for many years, who have stopped talking to me after my long period of psychosis in the years between 2006-2010...I left them out of my book.  Even though they had big parts of my life invested in them, I left them out. I do not want to speak out of my hurt.  I do not wish to point blame at someone for their ignorance about my illness. So I will be silent.

That last paragraph was Prussian Blue.  And my heart is sinking in my chest. Old pain.  Old scars.